From the mouths of babes


20 things Alex has said this month, in no particular order…

  1. “You’re not a lady, Mummy.” (Yeah, cheers son.)
  2. “I’m not a funky monkey, I’m a silly sausage.”
  3. “I want some water. I don’t want some water. I want some water.” (One of these options is correct. If I choose the wrong one, I may as well just shoot myself now.)
  4. Alex: “Where’s Daddy?”

Me: “Daddy’s gone to Kent for work.”

Alex: “No. Daddy’s gone to Kevin. Kevin the frog.”

(Nope. No idea.)

  1. “Why?” (I’d be lying if I said he’d just said this once. He’s actually said it about 6 billion times. This morning.)
  2. Alex: “I’m Batman!”

Me: “Wow, hiya Batman!”

Alex: (with withering look) “No – I’m not Batman, I’m Alex.”

  1. “I do like crumbs.”
  2. “Daddy sits down to do a poo and stands up to do a wee wee. Mummy sits down to do a poo and a wee wee. Alex sits down on the potty all the time. Grandma stands up to do a wee wee.” (Erm, are you quite sure about that, Alex?! Poor Grandma.)
  3. (Looking at a picture of a recorder) “It plays a tune… It’s called a tuna.”
  4. “Yrannosaurus Tex! Roar!” (Ahhhhh SO CUTE.)
  5. “Seagulls live outside. They fly in the sky. But sharks live inside, in Mummy and Daddy’s bedroom.”
  6. Alex: (pointing at a picture of Earth) “What’s that, Mummy?”

Me: “You know what that is, don’t you?”

Alex: “Yes.”

Me: “So… what is it?”

Alex: “South Shields!”

  1. “Aww, cuddles for Mummy. You’re so cute!”
  2. “You don’t love me Mummy! Daddy loves me!” (Sigh.)
  3. “The cushion is being naughty, it’s throwing me all about.” (Mmm. Really? Is that why the sofa has been dismembered and is now scattered across the floor?)
  4. (Loudly, in a public toilet) “I do a wee out of my willy and a poo out of my bottom!”
  5. “Yay! Couscous!” (Middle class child alert…)
  6. “The baby’s coming to this house soon.” (WHAT BABY?!?!?!)
  7. “Mummy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandad and Nanna and Uncle Mike and my cousins all love me very much.”
  8. “I don’t like your attitude.” (Parents everywhere, please take a moment to imagine what my reaction to this gem might have looked like.)

Parenting. Am I doing it right yet?


Mel Carter


About Janine 651 Articles
As an experienced and qualified practitioner, I specialise in pregnancy, birth and parent support - my aim is to listen, inform, support and reassure when needed. I have worked with parents since 2002 and I set up Birth, Baby & Family in 2011 to provide good information, different voices and links to the best products and services for families.

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