“I know it’s selfish but…”

Selfish is a word that has come up a few times in different sessions over the last couple of weeks.


It is a word that mums have used to describe themselves when talking about:

feeding – about wanting to keep breastfeeding, about wanting to introduce a bottle, about wanting to use formula milk

sleep – wanting more sleep, about using black-out blinds, about lying in with baby in the morning, about getting more support

birth – having an epidural, wanting to stay in hospital despite having a toddler at home


Is it right that we consider wanting a night out, more rest, a more settled baby to be selfish?

Is it wrong for a mother to want to put some of her needs first? Is it wrong to want a bit of space, a break and a chance to rest? Is it wrong for a mother to want to share the responsibility of her baby with her partner? Is it wrong for a mother to do her best for her baby and for her?

We all parent differently, one method isn’t right for everyone. All we can do is meet the needs of our babies,  want the best for our babies and meet our needs so we are healthy and happy –
is that really so selfish?

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About Janine 634 Articles
I am an antenatal teacher, doula, baby massage instructor, postnatal educator, life coach, writer, mum, wife, friend and, sometimes, just me. As an experienced and qualified practitioner, I specialise in pregnancy, birth and early parenting - my aim is to listen, inform, support and reassure when needed. I have worked with parents since 2002 and I set up Birth, Baby & Family in 2011 to provide good information, a different perspective and links to the best products and services for families. I set up the Birth, Baby & Family Centre in 2014 to provide a welcoming, friendly and supportive space for parents across Tyneside.