why parenting is the hardest thing…

 

I love being a mum, it has completed me, it has fulfilled me, it has made me happy but it has also been the most challenging thing I have ever done but why? How can something so wonderful be so difficult?

Parenting is about being responsible for another human being – feeding, clothing, keeping alive! But it is also about educating, nurturing, loving, comforting, caring, guiding and not fucking it all up.

As parents we need to get this right, even when we don’t know what we are doing so the pressure is enormous and so is the guilt.

It starts from the moment we give birth and we worry about everything we do, especially with our first.  The first pressure is feeding – we have to get that right because that is what helps our child to grow and to thrive. We worry about how they develop, we worry if we are doing enough to keep them safe.

As our children grow, the challenges shift.  I want my girls to be happy,  to be healthy, to be  independent and able but, as a parent, I need to get the balance right. My children will be 11 & 14 this year and the challenges are about guiding them towards adulthood – teaching them about responsibility, respect and values while giving them the space to work out who they are. It’s tough to parent when a child tells you they hate you but parent I must – I am not their friend, I am mum and I come with a few rules.

We all parent differently and we will have different ideas about raising our children but the one thing I know is that children need our time, we need to be available to them as they grow. My girls have more independence now than ever before but, in some ways, they need me just as much as they did when they were little. I am there to listen, to chat, to pick up on any problems at school or with friends or I am there just for a snuggle and a movie because we all need someone to talk to and children are no different, even when they think they don’t need us and even after they have told us we are the worst mum ever.

I am responsible for my children until they can be responsible for themselves – I invest time, love and respect in them with the hope that they can learn to invest in themselves. I have no idea if I am doing it right and, just as when they were babies, I am still making it up everyday. But I am doing my very best and I can’t do any better than that.

 

About Janine 574 Articles
I am an antenatal teacher, doula, baby massage instructor, postnatal educator, life coach, writer, mum, wife, friend and, sometimes, just me. As an experienced and qualified practitioner, I specialise in pregnancy, birth and early parenting - my aim is to listen, inform, support and reassure when needed. I have worked with parents since 2002 and I set up Birth, Baby & Family in 2011 to provide good information, a different perspective and links to the best products and services for families. I set up the Birth, Baby & Family Centre in 2014 to provide a welcoming, friendly and supportive space for parents across Tyneside.

3 Comments

  1. Parenting is indeed the hardest job in the world and you get no pay and the hours suck, you can’t even take a sick day 😉 luckily parenting does offer a few rewards and I think we just have to hang on to those. I think you’re a brilliant mum and an inspirational woman x

  2. This is all so very true. I’m always making it up and can’t even begin to imagine the complexities of parenting older children. But of course doing your best will make you an amazing parent – no child could ask for more than that!

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